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Living with emetophobia.
Emetophobia. That sound – the awful ‘scratching’ noise and the mere thought of someone being sick. This was the beginning of my phobia.
It all started when I was about five years old.
My sister Anna was being sick, not so much violently but she was being sick quite a lot. I could only hear the sound of it but it caused me to sweat; my heart was beating ridiculously fast and I was crying uncontrollably. I ran to my mum but it was no good; she did not seem to understand why I was losing control.
From then on, I hated the look of Milk of Magnesia! That awful medicine made Anna throw up and made
me seem like a disturbed child with an irrational fear.
The phobia did not stop there. I actively avoided people who were ill. If someone was holding his
or her stomach, I would run a mile, just for fear of him or her possibly being sick. If anyone
would just as much as flinch or make some kind of movement like touch their throat, I would
automatically assume they would be sick.
If Anna were ill, I would avoid her like the plague. I could not handle the fact that she might be sick anywhere near me. School trips were always the worst. Some ‘horrible’ kid would always be sick on the coach. I made sure I made friends with those who did not have travel sickness!
I actively watch what I eat so I am not sick myself. It takes me back to when I was about I had this awful bug and everything I ate literally came back up again. I would not even describe it as vomiting. It was a case of when I ate my food, like a reflex it would come back up.
I hated those two weeks of my life. They were the worst weeks and they seemed to last an eternity. I cried every day. When I was sick, I felt like a dirty, disgusting filthy human being. I hated myself so much during that illness and I prayed I would not be sick ever again!
People would often say, “How can that be a phobia?” Being afraid of spiders was perfectly normal but a fear of vomiting seemed irrational.
However, I know that I must have had some sort of fear if it was causing lots of emotional upset and distress.
Today, I can say that I have not been sick for over 10 years! I am now 21 and I feel that I am in a way coping with it. It helps that I watch what I eat and thankfully whenever I have food
poisoning, psychologically my body must know I hate vomiting so it manifests itself in the other
way!
The sound of someone being sick still makes my heart race like mad but I tell myself, “It’s only sick. It can’t kill me!” It is a fear and it is a phobia. I no longer see myself as crazy because I now know that it is a genuine phobia and thousands of people just like me exist.
I am sure everyone must hate being sick but I know that this is not just the case of disliking being sick; it is a genuine, crippling fear.
